June 23, 2012

June 23, 2012      Ok, so I wanna start this blog got by talking about you all.  Y'all are the foundation of my drive to come here and my continuous support.  Without all of you this journey would be a lot tougher.  Your prayers, encouragement, and support keep me going here.  Just to know that all of you are interested and reading and praying for me pushes and motivates me!  And I know the Lord is motivating me through your prayers, so thank you all so much!      2 Corinthians 12:9 is a perfect summarization of Gods grace and love for me here.  It says "Gods grace is sufficient, for His power is made perfect in weakness.".  I came to Uganda with a hope of learning how to fully trust in the Lord and grow and move forward in my life leaving the bad stuff behind and striving for a new good future.  Even more, I came with a desire to be taught.  Taught by the people, taught by the Lord, and taught by the other missionaries.  Little did I know, the Lord had/has similar plans for me but has been going about it differently than I would have hoped- the hard way.  Sometimes we have to learn the hard way in order for there to be a lasting impression, right?  My time here slowed down a little bit yesterday and my friend Sarah and I were able to go into town to a small coffee shop and read.  While we were there we both put our iPods on and zoned into our own thing.  I think it was one of the first times that I actually sat and focused solely on what the Lord is doing in my life here and what I've been/ continue to learn.  Now, if you know me you know that I'm somewhat selfish in different areas of my life.  I have found that coming through here as well at times and hate it.  I've been consistently praying for the Lord to restore me and give me patience and direction and trust in every aspect of my ministry here and my relationships I've been forming here.  Now this is gonna sound very simple and most of you will probably be thinking duh, but I'm gonna share it anyways bc I'm not sure I've really learned this until now because I've been living it.  First let me start by referencing back to the bible verse I mentioned.  Sometimes the Lord has to completely break us down in order to fully restore and heal us.  Towards the beginning of my trip and even still now sometimes I feel completely helpless and weak when it comes to helping these people, being homesick, and really trying to discern the Lords will for me here. In the beginning I completely questioned my whole purpose here and went as far as to ask if this was even in His will for me or if I selfishly decided to go because I knew I needed it in my life.  I have been through some very frustrating, irritating, and heart breaking situations here that have made me angry, cry, and again question my purpose here.  But through all of it I constantly feel the Lords presence and love for me and all these people here.  It's been an amazing and simple lesson for me here to remember that the Lord here is the same as the Lord in America.  He loves these poor, hurting, broken, joyful, loving, amazing people just as much as He loves me.  How can He not? In my opinion, He should love them more because of their unfailing and unceasing love, trust, and faith in Him.  Now after all those scattered and random thoughts I'm gonna go back to the simple lesson I was gonna say I've learned.  No matter how broken, hurt, upset, or weak I am if I come to the Lord and surrender it to Him in full faith and trust that He is the Lord of all things and can strengthen me in and through it then he will be faithful to me and restore me.  My emotions are a roller coaster here, which is hard at times but I'm also so thankful for it because I have not become complacent or desensitized to my surroundings.  We are told to rejoice in our sufferings because when we are weak, then He makes us strong.  The Lord is restoring and preparing me for my future everyday here and I'm so thankful that we have such a loving and faithful Lord that He promises us those things.        If you're sitting there thinking about how random and maybe nonsensical that all was I apologize!  I taught on that stuff in AWANAS today and felt compelled to share, if not for you all then maybe for myself to read in the future when I get discouraged.  If nothing else, I pray that this could be an encouragement for you in tough times.  We don't always know it or think about it at the time, but when we're going through hard times the Lord always has a purpose for it, we just need to be patient and he will reveal it in His perfect timing.  I love you all and thank you for your love and support it's really doing amazing things over here :)